Oh Gawd It’s Them Bootleg Fireworks!

So I just finished the semester at the uni and got the grades from my finals today. Aced some, some went good and some went really awful. Like, really fucking awful. Norway shootings kind of awful. Speaking of which, I just heard about that in the news half an hour ago (I’ve neglected Cnn ever since I finished finals week) and I’m shocked; it’s an incredibly terrible thing and I’m sorry for the loss of the families.

Sad part is, he didn't even have time to drop the soap.

That's not Charlie Sheen. Gaining that much weight would mean he's layed off the coke...

But what baffles me the most is that there’s still no one rotting in jail or getting the chair for this. It’s amazing that they still can’t prove that the guy they have detained was responsible for the death of 80 people! Or that he’s the guy they’re actually looking for! How is it that someone gets away with this kind of murder! I mean if you’re fucking Waldo, then ok… I guess you could hide for two or three days tops. Anyway I hope the people behind this get the worst kind of punishment there is. I’m guessing it has dipping you in cocaine and Vaseline, then locking you in a Room with Charlie Sheen.

Though seeing that kind of crazy shit means shrooms at the very least.

The fastest ticket to wonderland.

Speaking of coke, the 27 club just got a new member. Don’t give me that look, I know the death is still unexplained but what else could it possibly be? It’s a shame really, I wasn’t too fond of her music but damn that woman could sing. That “27 club” thingy gives me the creeps… it’s not like I’m into conspiracy theories, it’s just it really is weird. I know coincidences happen and tons of people die at 27 and some are bound to be famous or known. But the kind of celebrity that dies always fits the same profile… anyway let’s move on.

Ok… what else… ah yes! More sad news! Turns out Disney lied to us and wild cats are not nice guys who want to sing catchy tunes with a pig and what appears to be a thin rat. Oh no, no sir. This leopard took advantage of that popular belief and mauled eleven people in India. The sneaky bastard was also incredibly tough since he died of stab wounds… hours after he attacked those people! That sick fuck was being stabbed but he kept on going biting people in the face! That’s one determined asshole.

Sad is an understatement. Someone please give that torso the suicide hotline number!

So many bad news make sad torso a very sad torso.

FAR more stupid.

Yeah it's like this only far more stupid.

Another thing I wanted to rant about is those fucking “smart traffic lights” that were installed in my city (Lima) some months ago. When I was younger the word “smart” meant something. These traffic lights, with the help of fiber optics, are supposed to calculate how much crossing time they should give to each street according to how much traffic there is and helped by an algorithm that gives more or less importance to the street/avenue. But that’s Promised Land kind of shit. Those must be the most stupid traffic lights I’ve ever seen! I’ve missed class and arrived late at important stuff because while I’m the most important and traffic filled avenue in the city, this “smart” motherfucker decides he should give more time to a street that crossed the avenue which had three cars. Three damned cars. They were long gone and we still had 70 seconds to look forward to. And this happened again like 7 times on the way. Now there are policemen clearing up the mess those traffic lights make.

Yeah let’s spend a bazillion dollars in smart traffic lights that can’t even deal with simple math and then get cops to do that job! Smart investment, government! You guys rock!

I’m pretty sure the mayor is the guy behind this camera:

Geezus loves stupid people. He should, they seem to love him back a lot.

Anyway, now I’m on vacation and should be going to my home town to days from now. Shenanigans will ensue and I’ll post often. I can foresee these posts being… insightful. Since I got you down with all these bad news I’ll leave you with something special. It’s Kanye… please let me finish. It’s Kanye West! Yeah I know he’s s total douche, but he’s actually really talented. His latest album is amazing and so is this short film which implements the songs from said album. Even if you don’t like Kanye I recommend watching this because it’s an incredible short film on its own. Enjoy you evil bastards!

And remember: Life is short.
False! It’s the longest thing you do, you whinny bitch.

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About CR7

So you think you had a hard childhood? Well, fuck you. It's got nothing on mine. My mom threw me out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the prick next door who was always beating me and telling me I wasn't worth shit. It's not like I had a choice: the town I lived in only had like 9 people in it. I spent my adolesence moving around fighting people. But it gets worse. My only friend then was an asian guy in his 30s or something who was somewhat of a perv. The only perk was that I got to hang around with this cute ginger chick. She enjoyed beating me but I trust it was her way of caring. But dear God the bane of my existance was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know the types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other sentences? Yeah they were fucking creepers, and they had a cat, who was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the fuck up. Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.
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4 Responses to Oh Gawd It’s Them Bootleg Fireworks!

  1. frutatedmeek says:

    Likelikelikelikelikelikelikelikelike.

    Sad torso is sad made my day, for this I thank you.

    Musics number 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLlZKfmTy0Q – it’s like crystal castles but eerier

    Musics number 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDl8jd6_F5E – if you haven’t seen my comment on your latest list, you need this album.

    Musics number 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7w4EBy7Cao4 – old news is old, except to people who are 5 months behind trends.

    Enjoy

    Ur secret admirer xxx

  2. frutatedmeek says:

    Luv u schmookums

    • CR7 says:

      I’m 7 months behind trends so that video blew my mind in a way I never thought possible.

      Haven’t been to sputnik ever since I made the list so thanks for providing the recs here. White Rings give me goosebumps.

      Wuv u freekazoid

      u queer

  3. Yeti says:

    Thanks for the update you giant bag of dicks.

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