If The Judge is A Hottie And You Can’t Control Your Body; Do The Creep!

Fucking mid-terms start Monday at 7 a.m. I don’t know a thing about the first exam. So I do what any person with remotely one brain cell does: Procrastinate.

Stop there criminal! Or else I'll pull out my gun! Oh! It's already out!

What bugs me the most is that this is a PG14 cartoon.

Who needs high grades anyway? OK first thing that bothered me these days: Flashers. I can’t get the logic of that. I mean, what kind of sick fuck just goes around with a coat and shows his (there are not many female flashers) junk to a passerby?! Aside from the Secret Squirrel, of course. You idiot are giving away the milk for free? Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to do that?!

The only people worse than flashers are those guys who keep pictures of their wives and kids in their wallets and push them so hard into your eyes you have no choice but to look at them. Cool, you found a woman stupid enough to want to procreate with you. I guess that’s some sort of accomplishment you goddamned idiot. Pat yourself in the back, you deserve it.

This here is your mom. I banged her.

This is when little Timmy learned to walk, this is when little Timmy started smoking...

Ok, next up is… the rapture! Yes! To the guy who spent $ 140.000 in “warning people about the rapture” (true story):

It's rapture time, bitches.

"Good afternoon. Would you please spare a moment for Jesus Christ?"

This is what you get when you trust your overzealous Christian to predict doomsday via calculus! He’s a preacher; that means the only think he’s good at is brainwashing morons! And another thing: He has already failed 6 times! Why on earth would you trust this man?! He also is a radio host! The lowest form of life known to man! Goddamnit I swear I wish the rapture did happen so that the world would be free of you.

To sum up: You had it coming, douche.

Moving on. You know what’s awkward? Bumping into someone, greet him/her and COMPLETELY FORGET/DON’T KNOW IT’S HIS/HER BIRTHDAY. This happened to me the other day. Bumped into this friend from school at the uni, talked to her a bit, came home, checked my Facebook and then look horrified at the birthday section pointing out that I’m an oblivious douche.

Oh, also I installed the WordPress app on my iPod and it’s funny how judgmental the thing became:

You don't know me, iPod! You can't judge me! You don't know what I've been through!

Crappy image I know, but it reads "Last Updated: Never"

By the way, there are (and have been) textovers in the pics in the posts. Just pointing that out. (Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t be able to figure it out yourselves.)

Also, Cristiano Ronaldo scored 40 (41 to some) goals in La Liga. Suck on that, midget. You know who you are.

Anyway, gotta go try to learn something. Today’s song is a good example of Liquid Funk (Yes, that IS a thing. A d’n’b style, actually). Great song by London Elektricity: Attack Ships on Fire. If you want to “borrow” the album, it is up at Hopeless Sound.


About CR7

So you think you had a hard childhood? Well, fuck you. It's got nothing on mine. My mom threw me out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the prick next door who was always beating me and telling me I wasn't worth shit. It's not like I had a choice: the town I lived in only had like 9 people in it. I spent my adolesence moving around fighting people. But it gets worse. My only friend then was an asian guy in his 30s or something who was somewhat of a perv. The only perk was that I got to hang around with this cute ginger chick. She enjoyed beating me but I trust it was her way of caring. But dear God the bane of my existance was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know the types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other sentences? Yeah they were fucking creepers, and they had a cat, who was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the fuck up. Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.
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2 Responses to If The Judge is A Hottie And You Can’t Control Your Body; Do The Creep!

  1. frutatedmeek says:

    Imma flasher, just sayin’

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