Rape is not rape if it’s surprise

Yes. After so many years losing against teams that aren’t worth half what Real Madrid is we are at the quarter finals.  And we didn’t deserve most of those loses, though Juventus did a number on us. Arsenal only won from an isolated genius play from Henry (from back when wasn’t an old, useless guy who only runs in the left wing). Bayern won because

Hurrr durrr I know defense.

I catch Pokémon now. Defend later.

Roberto Carlos is as useful as a defender as watching Jersey Shore is a good substitute for reading. Don’t get me started on the Roma matches. Liverpool won because of a foul against Pepe that the referee decided didn’t happen and a penalty Heinze didn’t actually commit. (Then again it’s Heinze we’re talking about so I can’t blame the referee for thinking he’d screw things up.)

And last year after Real raped Lyon in the first time but then we got tied in the most retarded way possible. But this year we got our Vendetta. And now for the tenth!

What is that? You’re not a Real fan nor are you interested in the post so far? Fuck you. Are you a fan of that? Good.

Where are you going? The match is over there!

I'd love to hold Ronaldo's hand too. That's not gay at all.

Ok, moving on. Check this out:

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I made it clear that I was a musical elitist in my first post and this song has touched me.  Inappropriately. Fuck, it was like date rape. As a matter of fact, I’d love to be date raped if it meant I wouldn’t have to listen to this again. Take my kidney while you’re at it, I don’t even care. What’s that? No Vaseline either? Ok, now that’s just rude.

The quotes from this steaming piece of crap are priceless. Like, when in MasterCard commercials they say there’s stuff money can’t buy, they’re talking about Rebecca Black’s quotes.

Gotta make my mind up. Which seat can I take? – Really? Bitch, let me make it easy for you. There’s only one free seat. Plus, the guy back there seems THRILLED to

I'm shocked she actually has friends.

A friend beats a huge-ass axe everytime.

have you there. “Special” people are the nicest, aren’t they?

I got this, you got this. My friend is by my right. – Your friend is by your right? Oh, now I’m sure you’ve got this.

Yesterday was Thursday. Today it is Friday (…). Tomorrow is Saturday. And Sunday come afterwards. – Wow. This is deep stuff.  No, seriously. Think about it for a second: Have you ever really, really realized how Saturday comes after Friday? And, wait for it… then… Sunday? Have you?! … yes? Oh. Never mind then.

Also, does anybody else find it extremely creepy that a ghetto raper (Pato) comes out of nowhere at the end of the video? No, I don’t mean it’s creepy that he’s featuring in a video by a brain-damaged 13 year old girl. The fact that the most illegal thing he talks about is changing lanes gives me shivers.

Fuck this. The week only has six days for me from now on.

Time for a palate cleanser. Today’s track is from Sludge Metal band Baroness. They come from Savannah. Not Africa you idiot! That’s Savanna with no “h” in it! Savannah, Georgia! Ugh, you should be making a video called “Saturday”. Anyway the song is quite chill and incredibly good so even non-metal people (ice skaters I call them) should appreciate it. Oh and the video is not official but it’s pretty dam good. Quite trippy. Don’t do drugs, kids.

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About CR7

So you think you had a hard childhood? Well, fuck you. It's got nothing on mine. My mom threw me out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the prick next door who was always beating me and telling me I wasn't worth shit. It's not like I had a choice: the town I lived in only had like 9 people in it. I spent my adolesence moving around fighting people. But it gets worse. My only friend then was an asian guy in his 30s or something who was somewhat of a perv. The only perk was that I got to hang around with this cute ginger chick. She enjoyed beating me but I trust it was her way of caring. But dear God the bane of my existance was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know the types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other sentences? Yeah they were fucking creepers, and they had a cat, who was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the fuck up. Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.
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5 Responses to Rape is not rape if it’s surprise

  1. Fun fun fun fun!
    No? But, but I thought you needed reminding about the days of the week!
    Don’t forget your bowl of cereal in the morning, by the way

  2. CR7 says:

    She’s a genious ahead of her time. In a couple of years statues will be built in her honour.

  3. frutatedmeek says:

    lol ice skaters. You checked this out yet broseph?

    one of the best songs on the album.

    Also reckon you’ll get a kick out of this for good measure:

    Keep it Real (pun intended) and please, please, please beat Tottenham.

    • CR7 says:

      My God, that Sylosis song is awesome, getting the album asap. But the Rebecca Black Metal vid gave me the creeps…

      Don’t worry, the Spurs won’t be winning anything 😉

  4. Vero says:

    these are coming out like hot bread. but they are pretty hilarious.

    She is TERRIBLE. i kinda feel bad for her, but then I remember she wants to do a duet with Justin Bieber and it just makes me hate her some more, besides the fact that Fridays will never again be reference as TGIF but as ‘Friday, Friday” from now on by a bunch of 12 year olds who have been given false hope that voice processing makes you a singer. sighhhh lol
    ok enjoy
    and check out my jeans by jenna rose also. i know you will LOVE this one!

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