I appreciate irony. There’s just something beautiful about it. You don’t agree? You will; my neighbor had been parking his fucking 50 year old car close to my garage for a month arguing that he could be able to watch the god dam thing and nothing would happen to it.
This annoyed me because it was difficult to take out my mom’s car and even more impossible to take mine since the garage door suits only on car per time. Also when someone came to visit they couldn’t park in the spot that was supposed to be for my guests. Even after arguing with the douche a number of times he said that my argument was invalid since it was a public spot and he also wanted to sell the car and it was a good spot for people to see it.
At that point I didn’t know what to do. And it was then when irony stuck her beautiful teeth into the d-bag’s neck.
Two nights ago at around 4 a.m. I heard a huge noise. Like something quite heavy hitting the floor. I checked if everyone at home was ok. Since everyone was I went back to sleep but I couldn’t quite make out what the sound was. Until the next morning.
Yes. Despite the security watchmen had been up. Despite the security posts you have to go through. Despite my neighborhood not being dangerous. He got all his 4 tires stolen. Also since the car hit the floor pretty hard (and it was 50 FUCKING years old) it got screwed up and now it can only be sold for scrap. Useless, heavy, 50-year-old scrap. Hell, I’m guessing he’ll get like a bubblegum and two pennies.
Beautiful, isn’t it? But as sexy as irony might be it can also be bitch. Even to an irony lover like me, she can be a harsh mistress.
See, there’s this girl I used to fight a lot with when I was a child. Like A LOT. It was middle school and to be honest I don’t remember what the fights were about (I’m guessing grades or some useless shit like that) but we didn’t get along. Then she left for the US and to be honest it’s not like I cared a lot.
Time went by. And one day speaking with one of my best (female) friends, I learned she was still friends with this chick that migrated to the US. My friend (let’s call her Mandi) said all sorts of great stuff about this girl and how she was similar to me personality-wise.
And she was right. I got to truly meet this chick and boy do I regret not doing it before. I could go on saying pretty things, but as it turns out I’m not gay nor am interested in becoming an ice skater. So I’ll just list some of the things we have in common and you’ll see how awesome she is, which makes me pretty awesome as well.
- Fuck macs. Yeah.
- Ferrari puts every other car to shame.
- Sarcasm is not just a way of saying things. It’s a way of life.
- You can only TRULY enjoy music, good music, when you become a musical elitist.
- If you don’t get the last word, you are useless.
- Football (ACTUAL football) is the best sport known to man.
So much for not knowing what you’ve got until you lose it, huh? Irony you scheming bitch. But I love you that way.
Oh and the girl I was talking you about is smart. Like, really smart. Not “Awww did you draw that yourself? Let’s put it in the fridge!” smart but actual smart. Not like “street-smart” (which is fancy language for “imaginary smart” or “fucking retarded but shy about it”) but actually smart. Don’t believe me? Well, fuck you. I never doubted your word. Ok, see for yourself and check her blog out. Don’t worry, it’s ok to feel less intelligent than her when you read it. You probably are.
Enjoy. Now, since it’s Saturday I’m in the mood for something electronic. So I’ll leave you with one of the best d’n’b (that’s drum & bass for you dummies) songs of all time. Rouge City by Telemetrik. Thank me later. Or now. Better do it now. Why aren’t you on your knees? Oh. Sorry. Didn’t see the wheelchair back there.