Pizza leftover is the best breakfast ever

I appreciate irony. There’s just something beautiful about it. You don’t agree? You will; my neighbor had been parking his fucking 50 year old car close to my garage for a month arguing that he could be able to watch the god dam thing and nothing would happen to it.

This annoyed me because it was difficult to take out my mom’s car and even more impossible to take mine since the garage door suits only on car per time. Also when someone came to visit they couldn’t park in the spot that was supposed to be for my guests. Even after arguing with the douche a number of times he said that my argument was invalid since it was a public spot and he also wanted to sell the car and it was a good spot for people to see it.

At that point I didn’t know what to do. And it was then when irony stuck her beautiful teeth into the d-bag’s neck.

Two nights ago at around 4 a.m. I heard a huge noise. Like something quite heavy hitting the floor. I checked if everyone at home was ok. Since everyone was I went back to sleep but I couldn’t quite make out what the sound was. Until the next morning.

Irony makes for a sexy, sexy scene.

Irony makes for a sexy, sexy scene.

Yes. Despite the security watchmen had been up. Despite the security posts you have to go through. Despite my neighborhood not being dangerous. He got all his 4 tires stolen. Also since the car hit the floor pretty hard (and it was 50 FUCKING years old) it got screwed up and now it can only be sold for scrap. Useless, heavy, 50-year-old scrap. Hell, I’m guessing he’ll get like a bubblegum and two pennies.

Beautiful, isn’t it? But as sexy as irony might be it can also be bitch. Even to an irony lover like me, she can be a harsh mistress.

See, there’s this girl I used to fight a lot with when I was a child. Like A LOT. It was middle school and to be honest I don’t remember what the fights were about (I’m guessing grades or some useless shit like that) but we didn’t get along. Then she left for the US and to be honest it’s not like I cared a lot.

Time went by. And one day speaking with one of my best (female) friends, I learned she was still friends with this chick that migrated to the US. My friend (let’s call her Mandi) said all sorts of great stuff about this girl and how she was similar to me personality-wise.

And she was right. I got to truly meet this chick and boy do I regret not doing it before. I could go on saying pretty things, but as it turns out I’m not gay nor am interested in becoming an ice skater. So I’ll just list some of the things we have in common and you’ll see how awesome she is, which makes me pretty awesome as well.

  1. Fuck macs. Yeah.


    But it can fit in an envelope!

  2. Ferrari puts every other car to shame.
  3. Sarcasm is not just a way of saying things. It’s a way of life.
  4. You can only TRULY enjoy music, good music, when you become a musical elitist.
  5. If you don’t get the last word, you are useless.
  6. Football (ACTUAL football) is the best sport known to man.

So much for not knowing what you’ve got until you lose it, huh? Irony you scheming bitch. But I love you that way.

Oh and the girl I was talking you about is smart. Like, really smart. Not “Awww did you draw that yourself? Let’s put it in the fridge!” smart but actual smart. Not like “street-smart” (which is fancy language for “imaginary smart” or “fucking retarded but shy about it”) but actually smart. Don’t believe me? Well, fuck you. I never doubted your word. Ok, see for yourself and check her blog out. Don’t worry, it’s ok to feel less intelligent than her when you read it. You probably are.

Enjoy. Now, since it’s Saturday I’m in the mood for something electronic. So I’ll leave you with one of the best d’n’b (that’s drum & bass for you dummies) songs of all time. Rouge City by Telemetrik. Thank me later. Or now. Better do it now. Why aren’t you on your knees? Oh. Sorry. Didn’t see the wheelchair back there.


About CR7

So you think you had a hard childhood? Well, fuck you. It's got nothing on mine. My mom threw me out of the house before I even hit 13, and I never met my dad. My only friend till I was 10 was the prick next door who was always beating me and telling me I wasn't worth shit. It's not like I had a choice: the town I lived in only had like 9 people in it. I spent my adolesence moving around fighting people. But it gets worse. My only friend then was an asian guy in his 30s or something who was somewhat of a perv. The only perk was that I got to hang around with this cute ginger chick. She enjoyed beating me but I trust it was her way of caring. But dear God the bane of my existance was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know the types of couples that are absolutely sickening, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other sentences? Yeah they were fucking creepers, and they had a cat, who was at least twice as annoying as they were, I swear this thing would never shut the fuck up. Like I said I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.
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4 Responses to Pizza leftover is the best breakfast ever

  1. Mi chimpirri precioso!!! Hahaha you’re the best. After me, of course.
    Best to have me now than not at all.

  2. frutatedmeek says:

    Made me laugh so much, though your choice of car upsets me.

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